Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
