hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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