Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
