I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
