I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I can't trust your balls anymore.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
