Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
