Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
