Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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