I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
