her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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