Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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