i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
