Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
