oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
