Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
