Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize