When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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