On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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