I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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