the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
