suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
