So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
