we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
