Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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