And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
