i jhust puked up my retainher.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize