Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
