New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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