Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
