Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
