Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
