Is it because I queefed?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
