life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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