I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
