Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Randomize
