all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
And then he peed in my hair
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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