watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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