If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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