the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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