are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
