i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I need moral support for this bender
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
