Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
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