Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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