Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
