How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
We smell like vodka and hangover
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
