new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
