Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
