What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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