Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
