Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
