she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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