Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
