We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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