I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
