They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
