He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
