we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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