I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i will never coherently bang her
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
