he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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