i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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