You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
