Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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