positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
