It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
