she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
