You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
