i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
