guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
